2009 Here we come...

Everyone seems to be reflective at this time of the year, and writing out their New Year goals. Got me thinking it did...

In 2009 I will:

• Find relief from the ongoing health drain of Atrial Fibrillation. Hopefully I will undergo an ablation early this year, and hopefully it will work properly
  
• Get back to losing weight again - and be able to undergo some regular, ongoing exercise
  
• Continue to enjoy being with my family - in particular my two wonderful grandsons
  
• See the establishment of my dream "Gentle Footprint" - Chick's Studio

Simple goals... but lots to do to acheive them

Janet

When life says NO ...

I needed to renew my license - as you do on your birthday divisible by 5 in the ACT. I had a pile of questions to answer - you know the usual - do you have epilepsy?, do you have diabetes?, are you taking illicit drugs? - NO NO NO. Do you have a heart condition / disease or paralysis? Ummm YES. If you have answered YES to any of these - you are required to obtain a medical statement from your own doctor stating you are a medically fit person etc...

So off I go with confidence - picking up the most lovely cards from Lester and Mum on the way - feeling really good about life.... I ask him for a statement, and he hesitates... and eventually says No Janet, I can't give you that.
Ohhhh Come on - I am not that bad, and I really don't drive when I am feeling sick.. Come on...
No Janet - you could black out and be a danger to yourself and others. You would never forgive yourself if you hurt someone else...

Geez - I lose my license BEFORE Mum does. NOT FAIR.... Just as well Bob still has his, even though he can't do too much driving. It is just stressful for him. So no more long trips up to Queensland for us.

There is a chance that when I go and see another specialist in Sydney in December, that an ablation may (or may not) fix it all up, and I will be able to drive again. In the mean time, life changes again...

• Time to adapt to new circumstances.
• Time to be grateful for living so close to everything we need that we can walk there.
• Time to be grateful for a reasonably good bus system which leaves from my front door, and goes most of the places around Canberra.
• Time to remember that no matter what life throws at me - God is still with me, and there are a lot of people worse off.
• Time to remember that you can adapt to anything in life - and here I am complaining about not being able to drive.
• Time not to have my sense of identity and purpose wrapped up in a little piece of plastic giving me permission to use a lethal machine regularly

When Fifty feels like hundred

Tomorrow I turn fifty. I was proud of this - thrilled, and pleased that Fifty is the new Thirty... and all of that

until I needed to renew my driver's license, and because of my heart condition (Atrial Fibrillation), I had to get a letter from my Doctor to say i was OK to drive. All is well - until I asked him, and he got 'that' look on his face. In the end, after umm and arhing, he apologised, and said he couldn't...

So I have my wings clipped - well and truly. As of tomorrow, I cannot drive, until I find a Doctor who will allow me to.

That's OK isn't it - there is always Bob - that is another story... So he can, but should he.

Yes, I am spirally down in depression - won't go too far I hope, but this significantly changes my life doesn't it. Feeling a lot of loss at the moment.

Misery

I have a cold - and I want it to be a Man Cold. I want to be miserable, and demand attention... You see, it has to be a man cold - I got it from my man. I want my share of sympathy and care that I have had to dispense for the past 5 days.

Well - I should not complain, some wonderful man just filled up my hot water bottle so I can stuff it inside my dressing gown and enjoy the comforting warmth.

Funny thing is - I am finding it hard to resist going down to the Chemist (which is right under our Unit) and stocking up on every variety of cold medicine there is. Then I remind myself, we have been getting colds for centuries, and survived quite well without all sorts of mixtures and potions.

So what natural remedies do you use for a cold. The old lemon and honey I remember. I took a few Asprin last night for the raging sore throat - and then remembered why I need to avoid them - it has irritated my stomach already. Hopefully that will settle soon if I don't continue with the Asprin.

Grumbles...

Life is a little sucky around our place at the moment. I have been having episodes with my heart playing up lately. Sometimes it is in and out of Atrial fibrillation - where the heart beats in the top parts of my heart go all wonky, and try to beat many times too fast. Kinda hard to get around when this happens, and they (the Emergency Department) take it seriously to get things back to normal. But on top of that, I am also having other little wobbly episodes of dizziness, and ... well you know - just not too well. Kinda gets to you after a while. I am awaiting an appointment with the Heart Specialist to see what is going on...

So I haven't done any sewing for three days - and I am missing it. Just losing the capacity to concentrate - and every couple of hours I head to the bed for another snooze. I think that explains why I have woken up at 2.00am...

Just to add to my grumbles - boy it is been cold around Canberra of late. Inside the unit is not too bad, but go outside, and you know about it. I am struggling to enjoy the crisp air, and frosty mornings - prefering the warmth inside.

Now I have finished my little grumble (I hope).

Health update

I have updated my report on health below.

Look what I made

It may have taken me all day - and I only managed one at a time, but look what I have made today. At last I have organised my knitting needles and crochet hooks. Yes I know they are too short for the long needles - but I recycled some matching material squares that I bought at the church fete last week - all in matching designs (3 fabric designs in 4 colour ways).

Now I have the needles sorted by size - under 3.75mm, 4 and 5 mm, and larger, as well as another one for my crochet hooks and miniature knitting needles. I don't know if I have found ALL the hooks and needles in my house - maybe I will find some more over the next few weeks/months/years.


Immediately before I went to Emergency, I called into a freecycler's place for some material pieces. She had managed to find my blog, and worked out my crafting obsession/interest. I also got three balls of wool, which I knitted into a beanie at while waiting Emergency (which was immediately snaffled up by my daughter when she visited yesterday - it was cool apparently), and I have started a matching scarf - for my grandson. Now he has no matching hat!!

Also I have received a knitting needle case of needles to include in the bundle, and some beading / jewelry bits and pieces. A real treasure trove really. Thank you Lorelle.

Re my health: I really appreciate the prayer time with our church elders - and this afternoon, perhaps I am feeling a little better - not quite so breathless as I walk around. We shall see how it goes over the next couple of days. It feels good to hold your husband's hand as wonderful friends take time to pray for you. When I come to think of it - I am due to take a tablet, and I usually am incredibly exhausted at this point in the medicine cycle. Hmmm.

Love to all

UPDATE - Saturday 19th April:
I forget to tell you - on Monday I went to see my GP, and was put on Warfarin to keep my blood thing - stop any potential slots forming, dissolve any if they have already formed. I also had an ultrasound for Deep Vein thrombosis because I was experiencing muscle pain in one leg. Anyhow - the upshot was no clot, and because I have been a good girl and wearing my compression stockings, they could easily see the veins (for the first time).

Then on Tuesday morning, I woke up all well again, and ready for work. Sometime on Monday evening, my heart went back into normal sinus rhythm - and everything is OK again. I am so grateful. Since then I have been OK most of the time. A couple of short episodes which passed quickly.

Lost week

I have lost a week - no, not one of those I have been so busy that I don't know where the week has gone, but one of those weeks where life has put me on hold from life for a week.

On Monday evening, my heart decided to beat super fast, and all out of rhythm. I have atrial fibrillation - one of the non-lethal heart problems, where my heart has extra beats - more so when I do anything besides lie in bed completely still. I spent most of 2 days in emergency, and the 2 nights in National Capital Hospital seeing a cardiologist. So I am on medication to slow the heart beat down, and try and make it regular again. If this doesn't succeed, they are threatening to give me the electric chair - nooooo I mean those electrical paddles that you see on TV where they say "Clear" and then you jump off the bed involuntarily. I feel perfectly OK when I am lying down - feel a proper fraud. But if I need a reminder, all I have to do is stand up, nearly pass out, and then walk 10 steps to my desk, and feel like I have walked a couple of km or more.

The elders from church are coming over later this morning to pray for me. What do I expect - a miraculous healing? Not necessarily, although I would accept it.

However, I do expect a sense of calm and peace that comes from getting in touch with the Divine. I do expect the sense of community and care that happens when people in your life are prepared to take time to visit, and pray for you. And I do expect that I will gain an inner strength and peace to deal with the situation I am presently in.

Now, God is God, and we are not in the business of telling (non-gender specific personal pronoun) what to do. But I believe that the way he chooses (non-gender specific personal pronoun) intervene with us as humans is in a partnership manner. there are times that (non-gender specific personal pronoun) wants us to request intervention in our lives. This is one of those times for me. I am seeking intervention, and would like this disabling condition to be gone from my life.

It has been my experience that sometimes after requesting intervention, it happens in a manner that has no other explanation than divine activity. Other times the intervention happens through medical assistance, and at other times it happens through change of lifestyle and activity. Sometimes the intervention happens within my heart and mind - I view things differently, find acceptance for things I cannot change, gain determination to do what is necessary to help myself, and find comfort and strength in having people around me who care about what is happening in my life.

Any and all of the above are acceptable to me - as is something else I don't have a clue about at this time.

Well - we have visitors in 45 minutes - and I now have to go and get dressed out of my jamas. This is not an easy task at this time, and totally exhausts me. At the moment, my Darls is applying the suction from the vacuum cleaner to the floor of the lounge. Don't tell anyone that most of what he has to suck up is threads and left overs from my crafting!!!

See you all later